Loving Your Way to Enlightenment: Discussing Relationships and Spirituality with Camilla Figueroa

Category Archives: Relationships

Loving Your Way to Enlightenment: Discussing Relationships and Spirituality with Camilla Figueroa

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Camilla Figueroa co-leads, along with Keith Kachtick, Loving Your Way to Enlightenment: Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Couple, September 12–14

There’s a Buddhist belief that a genuinely loving relationship is the practice for which all other practices are preparation.  In this conversation, we explore romantic partnership as an opportunity for spiritual awakening and cultivating unconditional love as a path to enlightenment.

Camilla Figueroa, MSW and founder of Dharma Yoga Therapy recently took the time to have some discussion with us on this ever-relevant topic.  Please click below to her our conversation.  And, if you’d like to download the audio, click here and find the “Download” button.

Also, be sure to check out Keith Kachtick’s recent post Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Couple: The Metaphor of Ya​b-Yum.

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Camilla-FigueroaCamilla Figueroa, MSW, is founder of Dharma Yoga Therapy and is certified in Thai Yoga Massage, Dharma Yoga and Phoenix Rising Therapy.

Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Couple: The Metaphor of Ya​b-Yum

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By Keith Kachtick

Keith Kachtick leads Loving Your Way to Enlightenment: Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Couple, September 12–14

In Letters to a Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke makes clear that a loving, romantic relationship is the practice for which all other mindfulness practices are the groundwork. “Love is high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become world for himself for another’s sake.” The ancient Tibetan tantric practice of Yab-Yum recognizes that romantic coupling is as an opportunity for profound spiritual awakening, a practice that invites us—deeply challenges us—to love our way to enlightenment.

Traditionally, in Buddhist thangkas and sculptures depicting Yab-Yum, the confluence of “masculine” compassion and “feminine” wisdom is presented metaphorically in the sexual union of a male deity, seated in Padmasana (lotus pose), with his female consort facing him on his lap. The symbolism is two-fold: Yab-Yum (literally “father-mother” in Tibetan) implies a mystical union of karuna and prajna within our own individual nature—the two Dharma wings that lift each of us to buddhahood; united, the two awakened beings (regardless of gender) then give birth to a romantic communion embodying the blissful, non-dual state of enlightenment.

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Much easier said than done, of course. But for anyone in a committed relationship, the Yab-Yum ideal of unconditional love—borne out of opening our hearts and fine-tuning our communication skills, as well as deepening our understanding of our partner’s needs and desires—is an opportunity and wonderful challenge to recognize and celebrate the highest in ourselves and in each other.

Ultimately, it’s all about soulful harmonizing. “We know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us,” Rilke reminds us. “It is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult. That something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it. To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. This more human love resembles that which we have prepared for with struggle and toil all our lives: a love that consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute one another.”

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Also, be sure to check out our recent interview with Camilla Figueroa: Loving Your Way to Enlightenment: Discussing Relationships and Spirituality

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Keith-KachtickKeith Kachtick, founder of Dharma Yoga, has taught meditation and yoga worldwide since 1999. Keith writes for Yoga Journal and is author of You Are Not Here & Other Works of Buddhist Fiction and Hungry Ghost. He co-leads, along with Camilla Figueroa, Loving Your Way to Enlightenment: Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Couple, September 12–14 at Shambhala Mountain Center. To learn more, please click here.

I Love You!

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By Sue Frederick

Sue Frederick is the author of Bridges to Heaven: True Stories of Loved Ones on the Other Side and I See Your Dream Job.  She will be leading Bridges to Heaven: Grief Healing Workshop, July 18-20.

SueFrederickThank you, fear, for being such a powerful teacher, for waking me at night with heart tremors, for unplugging me from my source, for taking on the illusion of bills to pay, children to provide for, a husband dying of cancer, and terrifying self doubt. Such magnificent lessons!

God bless you, fear, for getting my attention more than everything, more than anyone, more than love, more than joy. You found me when no one else could. You sought me out, pushed me into corners, made me weep, made me angry, and broke me in half. Finally, fear, you broke me wide open…

And for that moment of total surrender to the divine, I am deeply grateful. Only then did I embrace my soul again and step fully into the light – refusing to ever go back into your dungeon, refusing to ever be your prisoner again.

Fear, my old friend, I recognize you now when you come to me in the night, disguised as bills, illness, heartbreak, grief or disappointment. – I recognize you, master of disguises. I recognize you by the stirring in my gut as you approach, the quickening of my heart rate, the frantic pacing of my thoughts. Ah ha! It is only you!

And you, fear, are not real…

P1080674BPhoto by Travis Newbill

You are the boogeyman I planted in my closet. The one I told to awaken me in the night so I would learn to dance with you instead of scream and cry. So I would learn to use you as fuel to help me reach my next level. So I would see ultimately that you are my friend, my fertilizer, my divine companion on this journey to rediscover my soul.

I embrace you, fear, because without you I would be nowhere. I would never have jumped off my first cliff into the unknown. I would never have stepped into my first terrifying adventure that changed everything. I would never have found my voice. Because without you, fear, I would still be sleeping…

You can stay in the closet or you can dance with me. It makes no difference. My light cannot be diminished. It never could. But it took you showing up for me to discover that.

Now, fear, my love has destroyed you, flooded your darkness, washed away your disguises, illuminated every crevice where you once hid. When I turn to face you, I only see divine order. I only feel my burning heart pulsing with gratitude, my arms stretching up to grasp the hand that lifts me into the light.

You’re Being Blessed at this Very Moment

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By Sue Frederick

Sue Frederick is the author of Bridges to Heaven: True Stories of Loved Ones on the Other Side and I See Your Dream Job.  She will be leading Bridges to Heaven: Grief Healing Workshop, July 18-20.

SueFrederickWhen bad news first arrives, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of you; it’s a punch to the gut.  This moment is a great blessing.  This is the brief and sudden moment of calm while your ego mind is stunned into silence.   It’s the holy moment of grace when you can listen to and hear your own powerful intuition, your higher self.  It whispers inside: “This is all going to be okay.  Something better is waiting for you.  This is all in divine order for your highest good.”

That’s the voice of your soul’s wisdom, your divinity, speaking up because your ego has been delivered a swift blow and is temporarily stunned.  But very soon, within minutes, the ego mind fires back up and begins whispering: “How did this happen?  This isn’t fair!  Life is meaningless…”

Your ego mind is beginning the battle of survival that it was designed to do.  This is the mind you agreed to have when you took a physical body for this incarnation.  Yet it’s only half of your mind.  The other half of your mind holds the doorway to your highest self, your divine intuition, and your true essence.  In the brief gaps of silence from your ego mind, your higher self is always whispering the truth.

1926292_673576879375566_1348167414_oPhoto by Jared Leveille of Shambhala Mountain — Friends of the Land

 

If you don’t grab hold of that inner voice, the deeper wisdom of your soul, the ego mind will quickly overpower you with fear messages — shifting into full blown fear and desperation:  “You’re worthless, you’ll never feel love again, you won’t find another job, you’re all alone now, this is a tragedy….”

If you’ve learned to discipline your mind through meditation or other kinds of spiritual practice, the fear and negativity of the ego self can be diminished and contained before it pushes you into depression, illness, stress, and rage.

Every time you choose to indulge the fear voice, you allow it to grow stronger inside until it becomes your boss.  It will fight to reign supreme over your soul’s wisdom.  It tells you to protect yourself, defend your actions, fight for survival, trust no one, close your heart, blame everyone, and that nothing here is fair.

Everything changes the moment you ask to hear your soul’s wisdom. It’s a simple request, an act of surrender to the lesson: “Please show me my soul’s lesson and help me move through this with love and courage.”

That simple request calls divine guidance to your side, fills the room with light, opens your heart, quiets your mind, shows you another perspective on your pain; it illuminates the choices you didn’t know you had.

Your highest self created this moment of pain to allow you to step up to your wisdom, to awaken into love, to embrace your spiritual perspective and take your life to the next level of your soul’s growth.

You’re not a victim to loss, disease, heartbreak, the economy, a terrible manager, or corrupt politicians.  You’re only a victim to your ego mind; it fills you with fear and keeps you from moving into the light.

YOU are a divine being who created this painful moment to shake lose your old patterns of negativity; to provide an opportunity to embrace your soul’s perspective — even while you walk in this physical world.
You came here to merge your divine self with your physical self and create a new level of consciousness for yourself and others.

You intended to be grand and fearless, bold and awake, infused with wisdom, loving and aware.  Your divine lens, your spiritual self, illuminates this path and shows you your next step.

Your ego self says it isn’t possible.

You get to choose.  Just a simple request for divine guidance.  And it changes everything…

Sue Frederick will be leading Bridges to Heaven: Grief Healing Workshop, July 18-20.  To learn more, please click here.

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Please watch our recent interview with Sue Frederick: Exploring Grief, Intuition, and Healing 

Floral Notes and Bardo: Mango on a Mountain

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By Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

Arriving home last week… Home is here, Shambhala Mountain Center — where I’m greeted so warmly by my friends, where Dorian wanted to hear about how my Florida trip went, then said “you’re family” and we hugged.  The elders, hugs.  Lunch together, delicious, prepared by my friends.

And, here I am with a companion — Heather, who I met, really met, in the enchanted aspen grove, one of my favorite spots on the planet.

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Photo by John Russell

And nearby the Stupa and the clear presence of lineage everywhere.  Everywhere… here, and how about everywhere else?  How about Florida?  I don’t feel so good or at home there, but there is lots more world.  To be here is safe.  There is a background attitude of :

“Okay universe, I’ve come to live and serve at the place where the Stupa is.  I’m doing my part.”

Somehow, it seems a bit too simple.  To just stay here forever.

Joshua told me:

“Logic is safe.  Maybe you should go have kids. Trungpa Rinpoche said that every child you have is a nail in the coffin.  You really want to practice tonglen?  Try that.”

I get it.

It’s easy here.  My meals are prepared for me.  Spiritually, “I’m doing my part.”

Anyway… This is a precious opportunity, and it is fleeting.

Last weekend, Heather and I did a program with Bruce Tift, who is a longtime student of Trungpa Rinpoche, former Naropa professor, and a psychotherapist with decades of experience.  Some key nuggets:

Relationship is legitimately path.  Appreciation for the relationship I am in.  And the possibility that my path will lead me to live outside of Shambhala Mountain Center someday…

I knew that.  But, something about talking about the future with Heather made it real.

My heart broke open a lot this past weekend.

This morning, in Colorado, my love and I sat naked and ate a mango from Florida.  True story.

— May 19, 2014

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PortraitTravis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community. 

 

Relationship as a Path of Awakening: A Conversation with Bruce Tift, MA, LMFT

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Bruce Tift will be leading Relationship as a Path of Awakening, May 16-18, 2014. He’ll also be giving a talk on the subject in Boulder on April 25.

BruceTiftHow can we use the inherent disturbance and richness of our intimate relationships as an opportunity for wakefulness? Psychotherapy helps us understand the deep historic conditioning we bring to our relationships. Buddhist practice cultivates the confidence that, in each fresh moment, we are free in how we relate to this conditioning. Let’s explore how we can learn to keep our hearts open within the profound provocation of intimacy.

Bruce Tift, MA, LMFT, has been in private practice since 1979, taught at Naropa University for 25 years, and given presentations in the U.S., Mexico and Japan. His new CD, Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation, explores the human issues of neurosis, anxiety, body awareness and relationship dynamics.

If you’d like to download the audio file, CLICK HERE and find the “Download” button. Otherwise, you can stream the audio below.

Floral Notes and Bardo: Love is a BOOM

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Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

A thousand things we can’t see, in our tea-cup, and yet our
reflection on the surface–warm, cooling, gone.

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Mr. Cushman sent out a homework assignment for Joy class—

Question 1. Contrast “awakened heart” and “love”

On my way up to the Stupa yesterday afternoon to do chores, I let the question bounce around and eventually said to myself:

Love is a more complete exhalation
Awakened heart is a spark, love is a fire
Awakened heart is a pop, love is a BOOM
Awakened heart is a nod, love is surrender

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I have felt myself become a bit slack in my Dekyong duty recently. This weekend I’m participating in a program called The Six Ways of Ruling, which will be lead by Richard Reoch, the President of Shambhala. I had the honor of interviewing him about the teachings recently. The program will present Shambhala teachings on leadership, which were only transmitted in secret until fairly recently. I feel like this may give the Dekyong-Me a needed shot in the arm.

This morning I was photographing a snow-covered tree stump, I sensed and heard a person pass by behind me. I sensed that it was President Reoch. It was. His presence is so warm, inspiring, genuine. I’m really looking forward to the teachings, and the whole weekend.

–January 31

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PortraitTravis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community. 

Cupid and the Buddha: Acharya Allyn Lyon Discusses Love

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CupidandTheBuddha

Love it or lump it, it’s February and Valentine’s Day is approaching. Nevermind the consumerism, let’s get to the heart of the holiday—love. In Buddhism, the word love is deeply nuanced and embraces the totality of our experience—both the joy and the tears. In the teachings on loving-kindness, it is unconditional and extended to everyone, including ourselves. We interviewed Acharya Allyn Lyon, a senior teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition, about the complex relationship between loving-kindness and romantic love.

 What is loving-kindness?

Loving-kindness is fundamentally letting people be who they are and being interested in who they are. It also includes wishing others well. Wishing that all beings could be happy, that they could be free from suffering and that they realize their basic goodness. You start with a wish and an intention.  Then you do what you can to be helpful.

 How does romantic love tie in with loving-kindness?AcharyaAllynLyon1

Romantic love is always a challenge because it often begins with infatuation. Infatuation is not seeing others as they are.  You leave out a lot. You see the part of them you really like and you can ignore very skillfully the parts that will become irritating to you in the long run.  So infatuation is always dangerous and frequently short-lived because you can only ignore things for so long. This doesn’t mean you can’t be touched by people. You can really appreciate them. You can love them.  But it’s important to love who’s really there, rather than your edited version of who’s really there.

 How can we practice loving-kindness in our relationships?

You start with just appreciating people for being who they are. This is done primarily by learning to listen and using all of your sense perceptions. You let them tell you about themselves, rather than working with our projections on how we think they ought to be. What we think is going on, whether we are right or wrong, is still our projection. So you find out from them what’s happening. Be aware of body language. You then create a lot of space for them to be who they are.

 What’s another good way to find out who someone really is?

Be together at a dharma center. (laughs)

 [Note: Shambhala Mountain Center is currently accepting job applications]

 How do you practice loving-kindness when a relationship ends?

What I discovered was that when every passionate relationship ended–whether it was one way or two way–we were usually still friends.  It does not have to end by being angry, disappointed or hurt. You can appreciate the whole process and you can be friends. Or you may discover you really don’t like them. Then you can learn a lesson about how blinding infatuation can be, because the person you fell in love with and the person who is really there had nothing to do with each other.

 How can we use relationships in our practice?

You try the romantic thing enough times and you suffer enough disappointment that you begin to appreciate that it isn’t what you think it is. Then you can certainly have a partner.  It’s great for Mahayana practice, it really is. But you really have to make friends with the person that you’re with.  Really be friends and not have some glowy illusion about how it’s supposed to be.

We have preconditioned attitudes about what relationships are. All of these ideas are culturally conditioned whether it’s by Hollywood, our parents, our schools, or our churches. But rarely are relationships like that. That is actually the process of getting into your conceptual mind and exposing these preconceived ideas about how things should be or how things are and discovering that they’re not.  The path gives you the opportunity to do that, but you are bound to not like everything you discover. After awhile it gets funny and it’s not so bad.

What is the best way to experience love?

 Be touched by the suffering of others and be touched by the happiness of others without being envious or jealous. It all has to do with allowing yourself to be touched. Joy is part of that, as well as sadness.