Floral Notes and Bardo: Not Normal

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

Gluten free, vegan french toast, chocolate muffins and not-cow milk, but lots of big, fat cows all over the land.

None of this is normal.

Meditation time has been moved an hour earlier and I’m off balance.

I was describing my feeling of being so out of routine lately, and how this has really started happening as teachers have been welcoming me into the mahayana. “Good job,” Zane said. “Enjoy the rug-being-pulled-out constantly, from now on.”

“Logic is safe,” Joshua told me. “Sometimes the virtuous thing to do is sleep in.”

I’m seeking balance, still, stability in mid-air. Studying teachings last night from the Sakyong about finding balance: time at the Shambhala Center, time being a householder, time out in the larger society. Sometimes one area is receiving more attention than the others, and it’s always shifting. What is path? What does it look like? Not always looking like a shrine room, church, or whatever. The whole sacred display full of poetry and meaning, and empty, beckoning me forever to dance and play. Not resisting change, emotions, or any person, and so a joyful presence. May it be so.

Oh goodness… heading to the Phish concerts — weekend camp-out. My soul-mouth is watering. Ahh… Phish!

Each morning and evening I play a Phish song for Heather, as she’s not so familiar. A couple of weeks ago, at dawn, we hiked up to the top of Marpa Point, overlooking the valley, beautiful dawn, and we listened to Gamehenge. I had been leading up to it with stories — hints that Gamehenge is the parallel dimension sister-village to Shambhala Mountai Center. (Truly, this is as close to living in Gamhenge as I could have arranged for myself.) Anyway, I told her that Icculus lives up on the top of the mountain, and midway through the story, about the time that Icculus shows up in the story, a shirtless summer volunteer came out onto the top of the peak, above us, and howled.

“Icculus!”

This is a fairytale life, indeed. I’m sure there are dragons in the air that we can’t see, and that the trees hear me singing.

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Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community. Follow Travis on twitter: @travisnewbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: Still Crazy After… One Year

Posted on September 10, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Oh Bardo, this morning, golden brown strokes in deep grey skies, drizzling cool summer rain, and… cows everywhere — humongous cows… mooing, chowing grass. Not normal. Bewildered boy, in transition — perpetually, and now, indeed.

Reflecting on the solitary sage dream, realized up on the hill, in the yurt. Awake at 4am and breathing the teachings, texts. Reflecting on… spiritual materialism, hinayana… and Heather, who appeared in the enchanted aspen grove and became an imaginary romantic character, a dream, and now, realized — deeper and deeper. A real friend, in the flesh and imagination, always. Now, mahayana heart dissolving barriers, and the richness and truth of the path of relationship. This morning, did not make it to the shrine room, missed my drumming shift, instead, spoke with Heather in bed, watched cows out the window, did Qigong while the rain came down. After breakfast, in the shrine room by myself, aspiring to become sustenance in all ways for all beings.

It used to be cut and dry, in my mind, and now the dharma is more fluid — my mountain bones and ocean, blood. Inhale, exhale — vapor so luminous and sweet. The shrine room, a house and car, and cat. A job and paying bills… time in the cave, the festival, and the bedroom with lover. The path unfolding in unexpected, yet somehow familiar, trustworthy, poetic ways.

I’ve been here for a year now. Onwards, further, further, further…

— August 25, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Soft Carpet and Running Water

Posted on September 4, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

This morning I woke up in a fancy bed, and over breakfast, considered my good fortune.

Yesterday we gathered as a community and discussed… cats.

Heather and I have been asked to cat-sit for Director Gayner. So we’re staying in his house for a few days. Very fancy! Soft carpet and running water.

When we awoke this morning, beneath a brocade blanket, Heather asked me to sing a song about “little paws.” I sing a song for her every morning about whatever she would like to hear a song about. We’re feeling lucky.

After the Community Meeting yesterday, there was lots of charged conversation. The open forum meetings tend to inspire communal engagement, rippling outwards into the following days. We’re thinking that we need more of those.

In other news, coffee has been spilt on my new white shoes. It happened this morning, just after a group of us did the Shambhala Sadhana together. I was not angry.

Getting together with my friends and doing this sadhana is a powerfully good experience. It’s active, social, musical, and meditative. It’s a collective rousing of good intention. Very uplifting and inspiring.

In my work, I’m feeling like there are pins lined up before me and I have a bowling ball of love. Our department is shifting around a bit, and I’m feeling really good about my role.

This weekend, I’m going down to Fort Collins to spend some time with my buddy Matt. We’re planning on doing the sadhana together on Sunday morning and having gluten-free pancakes and avocados. And, other than that, just spending time. I’m looking forward to that.

Then… the following weekend… 11 days from now… I’ll be heading to Dick’s for three nights of Phish.

Ahh…

— August 21, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Ponies, Buis, and Trotting Onward

Posted on September 3, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Routine is fluid, stillness is illusory.

“Logic is safe,” Joshua once told me.

The teachings often emphasize the importance of surrendering agenda, and privacy. Phish says: The trick is to surrender to the flow.

Photo by Cait Rotkiewicz

Routine has been delightfully interrupted for the past few days, as Heather and I hosted her parents — Rebbi and Thai Bui — who came to visit from the Bay Area.

Her parents are beautiful people, and knowing them deepens my appreciation for the miracle of Heather.

We borrowed our friend Yossi’s car to pick them up down in town. Apparently, the car was damaged somewhere along the way, which has been a painful thing. The staff “rental car” has recently dissolved. It’s tough being up here without a car, and it’s not a comfortable thing to borrow cars from friends, so… it seems like we need to buy a car. Feels like a good step in the direction of full adulthood, or something like that.

Since the beginning, I’ve viewed life at Shambhala Mountain Center as training for life in the world. It’s a place for “practice.” It seems like the first phase was living on my own — working, meditating, making art, being okay with loneliness, and so on. Now I feel like I’m into another phase, in which I’m exploring partnership, family and greater responsibility. Life with Heather, knowing her family, and talking about getting a car together. It feels like a natural progression.

Anyway, we picked up the Buis and met up with the Greenleafs (Rebbi’s sister, her husband and kids) and went to “The Farm,” which is a petting zoo in Fort Collins. Thai peacefully sketched the animals, the kids went crazy for the goats, I was fond of the fattest sheep and fed him most of my oats, Heather met a perfect little pony, and so on. Good times! Afterwards we played in some water fountains downtown.

The following day we went horseback riding with a friend of Shambhala, a real cowboy named Buzz. We rode off trail, on the hillsides. I’d never really ridden a horse before, and it was a beautiful experience of communing with the animal, plants, rock, sky, and my own mind and body all at once. And, I felt deeply, romantically like a cowboy for a while. I never felt more like a Coloradoan. Living at Shambhala Mountain Center, I feel like I live in a whole other world — Shambhala rather than Colorado. So, riding like a cowboy was a great experience.

That evening Heather, Rebbi, Thai, and I, hung out in Heather’s room and made art together. The next morning, a visit to the Stupa. A campfire and singing that night. And, yesterday, before sending them off, we had a nice tea party in the courtyard of Sacred Studies Hall.

This is a wonderful place to host people of the right spirit. It’s a big perk of living here. And, the Buis are wonderful people with the right spirit — warm-hearted, gentle, artists. Being involved with the Buis is a perk of my karma.

— August 19, 2014

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Family Camp: A Special Retreat at Shambhala Mountain

Posted on August 27, 2014 by admin

Article by Rachel Seely, photos by Samira Caamano

Family Camp at Shambhala Mountain Center is a special time to appreciate and value ourselves, our children, our families and friendships, and our culture. Taking the time to focus on this aspect of life in a contemplative and supportive atmosphere is a gift that I will always cherish. And one I believe my daughter will as well. This year’s Family Camp was SMC’s largest in many years. We had over 108 participants, which included 65 children, 27 who went through the Rites of Passage program.

Join us for Family camp 2015 — click here to learn more

Having that many children on the land brought blessings of wakefulness and freedom. Immediately the children developed their own relationships to each other and the land. Parents often marveled at the feeling of being held by the land, which is no small feat when in the process of letting go physically and emotionally to our children. The land became a cradle for the kids to explore the phenomenal world in a safe and accommodating manner. Kids ran freely within the space, with only the occasional reminder to be quiet near the main shrine tent and lodge rooms. They were always on the move, having fun, exploring new things, taking risks and developing new relationships with each other, their parents, and the land itself. I was personally excited to experience the land in a new way too. It felt as if the land perked up and responded wakefully to the fresh energy of the children’s exploration and wonder. I noticed many things on the land that I had not noticed before.

Our days started with family meditation, often led by previous Rites of Passage graduates. A sense of ownership and leadership was instilled into the children’s programming from the start. We were lucky to have brilliant and skillful coordinators for our 2014 Family Camp. Steve Sachs and Rachel Steele lead our program, accompanied by the Rites of Passage teachers, Kelly Lindsey and Kerry MacLean. We also had the special honor of having Acharya Dan Hessey open our Family Camp with a beautiful, simple explanation of Lhasang and Lhasang ceremony, followed by an introduction to Shambhala Meditation for children and parents. I felt this clearly established the ground for the time we would spend together. The space of basic goodness and the acceptance of vulnerability was felt and appreciated throughout the program as parents worked with their hearts and minds, as well as the hearts and minds of their children and partners. I often swelled with tears as I experienced immense gratitude for what we were choosing to do together and for our children.

The children’s program was split up into age groups for morning activities while parents were given time to themselves for practice or personal time. Each day we had a parenting circle led by Steve Sachs in which we explored parenting and child rearing from the point of view of basic goodness. We were all touched by the vulnerability and insight which arose from each other as we explored aspects of ourselves and our children that were troublesome or confusing. I left the parenting groups feeling supported, enriched, and empowered to transform aspects of my parenting style and the ways in which I view my daughter and her behaviors. Afternoons consisted of “unfettered time” and family activities. Parents and children were introduced to the theme of working with the elements, and the traditional Buddhist Maitri Rooms developed by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche to help us connect with nature, the elements, and the energies within ourselves. We also had many wonderful circles of singing, a talent show where fearlessness manifested abundantly, nature walks, a final banquet and an amazing dance party. We had a lot of fun!

A significant aspect of Family Camp was the Rites of Passage ceremony. The children in this group worked together all week learning contemplative arts such as calligraphy, kyudo, ikebana, poetry, bowing and lighting a shrine. They are encouraged, through their participation in the Rites of Passage program, to be in the world with gentleness and fearlessness and to begin to take more responsibility within the family and society. Parents are encouraged to trust and support their children as they let go of old ways of being together and habits holding on. These children shined as they went through the powerful “letting go” ceremony with their parents. Many parents and witnesses were touched by the significance and simplicity of the ceremony.

I really can’t say enough good things about Family Camp and the wonderful people who coordinated this program. I am fortunate that my daughter has been able to participate in Family Camp for two years at SMC. If you ask her she will tell you, “I love Family Camp.” It is something we look forward to every year individually and as a family. And now that Family Camp at Shambhala Mountain Center is growing, we will look forward to seeing other families year after year as our children grow up together and learn to be “who they are” in the world and with each other. I truly feel that having the support of this kind of family community rooted in basic goodness will not only help our children find peace within, but will help them be empowered as they face the difficulties and future of our struggling society.

Here’s what several children had to say about it this year:

“I have a much better handle on meditation. I also learned that I am a WARRIOR!! In the future, I know that I will be thankful that SMC taught me this. I will always strive to be kind, gentle, and fearless.” –Ava Keel

“I learned to appreciate the elements, love this area even more, and to appreciate all the teachers so much!” –Sheldon P. Williams

“(I learned) so so so much patience.” –Matthew

“(My favorite part was) all the love, support, and kindness from almost everyone.” –Sierra Karsh

“I learned about fire, earth, air, water, and space. I also learned how to meditate more and calm myself down and that the warriors shout ‘Eeee!’ when they are shooting in kyuodo.” –Maxine Rhodes

Shambhala Mountain Center Hosts Family Camp August 2-8, 2015 — Click here to learn more!

Floral Notes and Bardo: Rise to Song

Posted on August 21, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Days may begin in silence which may give rise to song. It’s one way to live.

I’m at my desk now, once again, after having spent two weeks in beautiful retreat with 107 other people (108 total retreatants, not including staff and teachers). We spent two weeks in a tent together, practicing kindness. We sang, walked the land, ate meals and celebrated together.

I saw the forms of Shambhala come to life in a big way, which was reassuring and beautiful. We received practices which I feel very good about. I sense the potential for transformation towards more openness, love, creativity, and joyful existence — on and on.

We took vows. We all vowed to engage socially in such a way that the whole of the earth may awaken into cheerfulness. Some of us vowed to dedicate this and all future lives to benefiting other beings until all are liberated into bliss.

We were given a Qigong practice, and I’m so grateful. It fits right in. All of these practices seem to be means through which we may work with subtle energies in order to realize deeper harmony — within the body and in relationship. It’s all relationships — the skull eventually affects the belly, the flowers affect my mood, and my touch affects my partner.

Tuning in… So that we may glide in cosmic wind with less resistance and greater stability. Tuning in so that paradox doesn’t cause stress, but rather, wonder.

This morning I awoke, walked on the hill at dawn (down to the outhouse and back), the sage and the flowers of late summer… I lit candles and made my vows, walked down to the shrine hall and sang with my fellows…

— August 14, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Shoving Off

Posted on August 18, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

This morning on the hillside, standing — symphony dawn — witnessing: my preferences are like fleeting mosquitoes in the cosmos. Yet, wondering… how big can I be?

Tomorrow I’m going into a two week, group retreat: Enlightened Society Assembly.

Yesterday, I spent time in the shrine tent with Shenpen, Sensei, working on a large installation. It felt magical in there. It felt refreshing. There’s good substance to the Shambhala tradition, and I pray that this two week immersion may put me into touch, a bit deeper.

Today, trying to “wrap things up” and prepare for the retreat. Deciding what ends to leave loose. How much to scramble in order to get things tidy, and how much to let go so I can go into this relaxed and well rested.

I’ll be settling back into Avalokiteshvara (lil’ yurt). I’ll spend some nights with Heather.

I live here.

It’s a funny thing going into a retreat like this, which most people leave their homes far behind in order to do. For me, it’s happening right here — where I live, work, play… I’m not leaving anything behind.

Rather than pretending that I am, I’m going with it. We’ll see how it goes.

Gotta make an Ikebana arrangement for the yurt. Gotta get up to the Stupa –circumambulate, refresh the offerings, light some incense, prostrate — stir up some good mojo. I’ve ordered some real nice tea to drink during the retreat.

Ahh… excited! Going in! Shoving off!

— July 25, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Cookin’ Onion

Posted on August 15, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

From the fringes, inwards to the core — by rubs and punches, sweat and shatter.

Deepening familiarity is apparent in relation to fresh faces. The longer I’m here, the more which is uncovered. The more genuine the care that swells in my heart. The more informed. Less superficial.

Onion.

Meanwhile, the chipmunks are getting fat on “people food.”

I’ll be here for two more years. I’m just now feeling a bit settled. I’ve experienced a wave of burnout, cynicism, resentment. No hurtful eruptions, just boiling in my brain, bones. It felt like purification.

Yesterday, in Care Council meeting, where a small group of us discuss the well-being of the community, I felt so raw. I was listening and speaking with intelligence, rather than acting. In comparison, my caring has been contrived previously. More tainted with want for recognition — trying to be a good “me.” Tainted in that way, but not phony. It’s still tainted, but it’s becoming more real.

Greg Smith and I both have Ngejung in our Buddhist refuge names. He said that it means:

“Becoming real.”

Burning through baloney notions so that I may actually connect and be helpful.

Burning through filters of conceptual jargon, and “good boy” motivations.

Shambhala Mountain Center — a great pressure cooker, an oven in which one may become more real.

Cookin’.

— July 23, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Stepping, Steeping

Posted on August 14, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

What kind of tea?
Puerh.
Green or black?
Green.

Avajra: “Black! Always black. We’ve got shit to do. Double doses of black.”

Photo by Lars Greypath

This morning, sitting on the porch, looking out into the woods, while the sun came up over the ridge — breezy-cool thoughts about time. The karmic implications of decisions. How well I hold my seat and not get swept up for minutes, hours. It adds up.

So much to do, and it remains in a cloud — lightning bolts of anxiety.

One foot in front of the other.

Sometimes I think I’m screwing up and sometimes I notice success.

“Success and failure are your journey.” — Trungpa Rinpoche

Everything that happens is a potent teaching. It’s so noticeable here — my changes, hang-ups… messages in the phenomenal world. There’s no escape and it’s clear as a bell — the ambiguity.

— July 22, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Goodminton

Posted on August 13, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Fly tapping, in fight, and I, sipping Red Zinger in the shade.

Outside of the poorly constructed walls of self-concern, with framed paintings of pleasure adorning them, there’s a perfectly warm summer day. Later, heavy evening sky, ablaze with monstrous-soft fluff-beasts — glowing pinks and oranges beside purple pals and mosquitoes.

And, The Inscrutable World Skull Cup of SMC Delek badminton 2014 is rolling along… very well!

Lots of fun, and real emotion related to competition. It’s such a funny and absurd thing, so loose, that’s it’s quite remarkable to see people getting worked up about it. Everything is a teaching here. Lots of fun, of course, but undeniably dharmic as well. Tournament bracket, team names, making up rules as we go along. Good stuff…

Last night a nice summertime community campfire — DJ Extro inside the clubhouse, pumping tribal eletro-glitch hop tunes, Lars the Jedi swinging the light-saber (for real) with mastery, Danny with the fire poi, folks joking, talking, having beers, bonding.

It was a good scene.

Prior to heading to the party, prior to the evening badminton games, a conversation with Kasung Kate about the Shambhala teachings and the Buddhadharma — the distinctions and relatedness. This Shantideva text is hitting me hard. It’s a root text. The Shambhala texts that I have access to are commentary on root texts (as I understand it). I’m looking forward to getting the pure-punch. That’ll be in the Spring, when I start receiving the terma. Gotta fly through lots of (necessary) hoops before getting that stuff.

It can be frustrating — the feeling of impatience; wanting to be further along than I am. But, that really dissolves in the light of wisdom. It’s good that I’m coming along at the pace that I am. It’s allowing me to really form a genuine relationship with the path, the teachers, the sangha, the teachings. Devotion is arising along with critical intelligence.

I feel skeptical and devoted. I want the real awakening, rather than a contrived experience of understanding, which is comfort-seeking.

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty!

Anyway, I also observe arrogance in my being. I wonder what will come along and crack me open, break my heart, soften me up real good…

— July 22, 2014

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