Floral Notes and Bardo: “Oops,” and Apply Gentleness

Posted on December 15, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a regular feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

We’re a big, beautiful, beast!

(Those cookies were made decorated by Kate Raddock at our community holiday cookie decorating cookie holiday event.)

Yesterday an intense Community Meeting discussing safety, substance use, and recent incidents of people having been asked to leave for various reasons.

I didn’t say a word, yet it was a very fulfilling experience. I witnessed and felt people being very open, expressing genuine concern, and also people becoming defensive and accusatory. But the whole thing felt civilized.

For me, safety is relative. And, I feel very safe here. I feel good living as part of a community that can gather and communicate in such a peaceful and open way. People may have felt rubbed or hurt in one way or another, but no one called anybody dirty names. Nobody shut down and said “Fuck you.” Nobody pushed or shoved.

It’s distressing to know that that stuff happens regularly elsewhere — to horrific extents.

We communicate so well here, I feel.

After the meeting, at dinner, I was discussing my experience of the meeting with Director Gayner and Kate. I was reflecting on my first experience of a Community Meeting — back in spring 2012, when I first arrived.

Being in the shrine room, with the whole community, everyone sitting on cushions in meditation posture, in a circle… It felt like being in another realm. It was so dramatically different from the sorts of communities I’d associated with previously. It seemed enlightened.

Over the course of the last few years, being a part of this community, I’ve had different sorts of experiences. I’ve been swept up in various styles of mental projection. At times thinking negatively of the situation — thinking that people are phony, that the system is flawed.

Last night I experienced that sort of projection arising, but there was enough space around it to see it for what it was. And, I didn’t stay caught in it. Rather, I was able to open more fully and witness the good-heartedness of the whole thing.

The whole thing.

It’s precious to have a group of people together aspiring to bring about peace. We all stumble, but we do so on the path of realization. We’re one organism here. People become aggressive towards one another in the same way that people become aggressive with themselves. The remedy is the same: “Oops.” And apply gentleness.

— December 11, 2014

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Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Shambhala Guide — a preliminary teaching position. Follow Travis on twitter: @travisnewbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: Space Pervades

Posted on December 14, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Milky-white bliss–staring at a wall with my head in my hands. And then, outside, wandering, mostly pausing, gazing, goal-less, bothered only when goals came to mind.

Last night was the final session of our community Maitri Space Awareness exploration. We concluded with the center of the mandala — the buddha family. My favorite.

Space allows all else to flourish. And, as Greg said last night in his talk, there is nothing we can say about space.

All colors arise in space, music, love, and all else.

Ironically, I am feeling like I spend lots of time busy-hustling in order to create space. Get this done, get that done, so that I can have some space to do other things.

Last week we had community events three nights in a row. This is great, but man… it makes for a long day. I also need time in my room — reading, hanging out with the guitar. I wonder when that will come. I wonder if I am missing something. Maybe there is a way of life that is appropriate right now that I am trying to bypass based on my thoughts of what constitutes a fulfilling life.

I want to make music! But, I can’t sing in my room, and I don’t have any time before or after work, class, whatever.

Where is the space? Greg said: “Space pervades everything.”

Life is full. Life is full of space. Maybe I’m ignoring space most of the time. Maybe I have a biased mind, in which some things count as art and others don’t.

A bigger question: How self-centered is all of this? What am I grasping for and why? How does this relate to the aspiration for all people to be free?

There’s some truth, I think, to the necessity of taking care of oneself so that one can be strong for others. It does seem good for me to organize my life so that I can be fluid, inspired, productive, helpful.

But, it is instantly liberating to consider others, and wish that they may be joyful and at ease. Instant space. All cluttered concern falls flat on the ground. Fresh air.

The teachings say that you don’t need to have stuff first in order to give. Give now.

Turn my mind around — face outwards. It gets so stuffy in here.

— December 10, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Stringing the Twinklers

Posted on December 11, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

I made a small box for all of my things:
colored sand and precious rings.
Meanwhile I watch this thought burn:
the wish for anything to remain or return.

This past weekend was full, and well-rounded. Friday night a bath and relaxed space in the nest with Heather. Saturday morning — cartoons, cereal, and sleeping in. Then a nice, long practice session — at first, alone in the shrine room, which is just downstairs from our room, and then at noon the community joined for mid-day group sit. The lights came on — I’d been in the dim — and friends surrounded and we sat.

Saturday afternoon a community sweat lodge ceremony. It had been a while… I’m so grateful, purified. Saturday night cat-sitting for Director Gayner. Nice house, funny little cat, a couch and nice sound system. We watched the latest Wes Anderson film and enjoyed a night on the most comfortable mattress I’ve ever known. The next morning — nice practice session, breakfast with music on, a while on the couch together, in the sunlight, reading Mental Floss, some more time just laying in the sun, and then a walk down the hill for lunch.

Sunday afternoon — community Christmas Tree Gathering Escapade! It was lots of fun, walking out into the woods, finding our little tree-friend, saying little prayers for it, and then, myself holding one end of the saw, cutting it down.

After dinenr we had a little decorating party with spiked egg nog and Christmas music.

Also, Heather got to work decorating our nest, and it’s very cheerful and good.

Last year, the holidays were the worst part of the year for me. Very sad to be here. This year feels different so far. It was a warm and joyful day yesterday, with much of the community involved. And, Heather is big into holiday celebration. So, I am not feeling deprived at all.

I probably listened to three hours of Christmas music yesterday. Good stuff!

— December 8, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Agenda Like Flies

Posted on December 10, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Return to friendliness, and sing in spare minutes. The wind is blowing like crazy, and this time is precious.

Last week we had our Fall Staff Retreat. Janillee came up from Boulder and directed, leading us in three days of Maitri Space Awareness practice. In the afternoons, we played — music with the peeps. Other folks hiked, did art, or wrote creatively.

I was in a grumpy mood for much of the retreat, kind of thrown becuse I had to relate to office work. For me, having to go into the office during retreat is like having to step out of a ballet to work on my taxes for 10 minutes. There is nothing to complain about in the situation, I knew that. But, I just couldn’t make myself big enough to not be grumpy about it.

People are starving and I’m throwing a little fit in my mind because I have to work for an hour during a completely luxurious day.

So silly. But that’s the truth of the experience. If I were enlightened, it wouldn’t matter what I’m doing at any given moment. It’s all music, dharma, dance. I have moments like that, but I also get grumpy and seek pleasure.

These days, pleasure is quite plentiful in my life. Heather and I have moved into a suite on the third floor of Rigden Lodge, which includes a nice big bed, cozy heater, a love seat, another cushy chair, and… and… a bath tub. Oh yeah.

We also have internet in there so I can listen to music again via Spotify.

I’ve been giving some care to create recreation time for myself recently. I feel like that’s been missing. It used to be just me up on this mountain in the holy land of Shambhala Mountain Center devoted only to meditation and the dharma. And now, life is filling out quite a bit, and I’m appreciating the beauty and importance of taking in art, music, literature. And, simply enjoying.

Last night I spent an hour reading the dharma. Contemplating simplicity.

“We have a mind and we have a body, therefore we can comprehend this world. Existence is wonderful and precious.” — Trungpa

Drop the agenda. Live.

— November 24, 2014

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Floral notes and Bardo: Cinder Block or Skies

Posted on December 9, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Exploring galaxies of psychological formations, residing and flirting with potent emotion, knowing each other more fully. Learning the joy and liberation of knowing, wondering, knowing. In the space of dialogue — the safe space which is dependent on mutual respect, care, and willingness — deep human poetry blossoms like music. The only way to go further is through YES. And YES is only YES when it’s genuine. One way of exploring ourselves is through intimate partnership — YES is intimacy.

YES is peaceful, patient, and playful.

Heather and I spent the weekend in a couple’s retreat in which we learned Imago theory and worked with communication exercises that allowed us to explore and learn lots about ourselves and each other. The structured dialogues are designed to be tools for exploration and progression. Meant to help us navigate the uncertain oceans of long-term committed relationship. I’m glad to have the tools. And I’m glad to be with a partner who is equally inspired to work with the tools, and more generally, to open, expand, go further.

FURTHER

Having experienced, felt, the workability of differences, and what looking into obstacles can reveal, I feel confident about the potential for long-term intimate partnership to be a joyful experience, a genuine experience, liberating… Liberating! The culture I was brought up in often frames marriage as some kind of prison. I think that any situation can be confining if you choose to maintain walls — choosing the comfortable, familiar sight of cinder block — cinder block solitude, television, treadmill, thangka, hometown, saloon, drug-buddy, dog, blog, band, wife, or whatever. I will never KNOW her, and she will never know me. We will be new each moment for all eternity, and our curiosity and willingness to explore will determine our view: cinder block or skies.

It’s a blessing to be encountering these tools and ideas, taking these programs, while we’re young. Seems like we’re set up well to go forward. I feel that way about living here generally. I’m learning all sorts of stuff that is going to be helpful for living the rest of my life. The stuff that is not taught in K-12 or even college. Real life stuff with great teachers. People pay lots of money to come here for a few days and get a taste. I am able to live here full time and immerse. Moving here has probably been the best decision that I have made.

FURTHER

— November 9, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: No Rush — Trickles from an Aspiring Teacher

Posted on December 8, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Late last night I had a look around, for a towel, I had spilled my water on the wooden nightstand. I’m not used to drinking out of glasses. I’m not used to wooden nightstands. I’m not used to towels, carpeting, toilet in the next room. House/cat-sitting again for Director Gayner. A joy — purring Dorje Phurba. Soothing kitty.

Earlier in the night, I presented dharma to my fellows. It was a learning experience. I felt deflated afterwards, like my message was not clear, not precise. I went through a few sommersaults of sorrow and frustration. It was a potent process. Charged practice experience. It felt good, feels good. Excited to refine my style and approach. Glad for the opportunity to study with Greg Smith — a great mentor, friend. A seasoned teacher. I feel like I’m receiving a good, wholesome, training. And, I’ll be here for another two years.

Last night, myself the the other student-teachers taught on the concentric circles of peaceful abiding meditation, as presented by Sakyong Mipham in Turning the Mind into an Ally. I taught on the outer two circles. Below is some free-writing that I did on the topic just before class.

The outer-most ring, labeled “Our life” has to do with the space in between whatever we were doing before we came to the cushion, and the moment when we actully begin to practice. It’s a moment to simply pause and feel ourselves sitting down in the room. We can reflect for a moment on what is going on: Do I have a cold? Am I really pissed off or worried about something? Is my body in good working order? And… what am I about to do?

The answer to that last question, in this case, will always be: I am about to practice shamatha. Why? In order to develop clarity, stability, and strength of mind. I am going to practice remaining fully present, in the moment, rather than thinking about the past or the future.

This feels like such a good, wholesome and important part of the practice experience that I don’t hear very much about. It’s not a strong habit of mine. I tend to get to the shrine room, light the candles, sit down and get to it. No time to waste, right?

Recently, my mantra has been “No rush.” I think this part of the practice is about that.

It’s really lovely and fortunate that we’re able to sit in this warm, safe room and just be with ourselves. There are no emergencies to tend to. We have the supreme luxury of just sitting in a nice space in order to experience being alive for a period of time. This is precious. Something beautiful is happening.

I think taking a moment to touch in on this is a good set-up for then entering the formal practice of being with the breathing and allowing the mind to settle.

The next ring in towards the center has to do with what may occur in the midst of our shamatha practice. We may get swept up in big, full blown thoughts that could be referred to as “Fantasy.” Fantasies are the big narratives — there are characters, emotional tones, maybe scenery. There could be a strong visual component or not. It could be like a movie, or just commentary on a certain topic. Often, the fantasy has a quality of hope or fear: Like, it would be so great to be at a rock concert, or It would be awful if the person is hurt by the email that I sent to them when I was angry.

I suppose the fantasy could be more neutral too, just imaginings. Like, a bunny hopping down the road and a space ship pulling it up with a laser beam, and then the bunny and the aliens playing cards for a couple of hours, and they have a sleep over.

That could happen too.

I think the main thing is that we are totally swept up in it.

For me, it seems important to point out that the imagination is a beautiful and miraculous feature of the human being. I don’t think that daydreams are evil.

The thing is, it’s not what shamatha is about. In shamatha, we’re sitting down on the cushion to tune into the world we are inhabiting with our bodies at this particular time. I think it’s important to be able to do that when we want to, because experiencing this world may actually blow any fantasy out of the water — in terms of beauty, humor, and brilliance.

Developing the ability to be present is liberating. We’re not a slave to fantasy. There is space around it. We can walk into the movie theater when we choose to, and we also walk out and enjoy just being in the world.

There is always something cinematic happening. That’s our life. I think it would be a shame to miss out on the profundity of life in this world. So, I think it’s good to practice being present — one way or another. Shamatha is a good way. People have been doing it for thousands of years because it’s a good way.

— November 6, 2014

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Do we have too much on our plates? How to taste every bite…

Posted on December 3, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Good morning,

To those of you who celebrated Thanksgiving last week, I hope that it was warm and nourishing. And to everyone, regardless of what you did last week, I hope that your plates are full today — but not too full — and that you’re enjoying every bite.

Does that seem like a tall order?

In an age when we often have too much on our plates, and yet are hungry for real nourishment, the aspiration expressed above may be much easier to say than to accomplish. It is for me.

In the video I’d like to share today, I ask Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction teacher Janet Solyntjes about this conundrum, as well as about a particular, personal style of becoming stressed out. I find her responses to be very helpful, and I think that you may also.

Watch the three minute below: MBSR: Too Much on Your Plate?

If you’d like to watch the full interview, or stream/download the audio, click here:
Freak Out! Or Not: An Interview with MBSR Teacher Janet Solyntjes

And, if you feel inspired to deepen into the profound practices of MBSR, please join us for the upcoming retreat that Janet will be leading: Introduction to Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, March 6-8, 2015.

I hope that these teachings add a flavor of awakenment to your day, and that you’ll forgive me if I’ve piled on the food metaphors too high in this email.

Best wishes from the mountain,
Travis Newbill

P.S. Here’s a nice photo of a family of deer spotted on the land recently, taken by community member Lauretta Prevost.

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Thanksgiving before Thanksgiving

Posted on December 1, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

I am thankful for Shambhala Mountain Center because:

It provides me with a home, and the means for exploring a good way to live in the world. I’m grateful for the opportunity to live here, so closely with the natural world. I know the deer and the way that the foliage, and all else, shifts with the seasons. I’m grateful for the tremendous rock formations — they are characters, ever-present. I’m grateful to live in this community. The people are kind, beautiful, well-intentioned, tender, trying, transparent. The people — we are doing this together. We live 8,000 feet up in the mountains together. We eat such good food here — three times a day. My friends cook meals. They put themselves into it. They are delicious.

I am grateful to have arrived here, in this profound world of dharma. This is a place of learning and exploration. The energies here can erupt, turn me inside out, and hold me through death and birth, every day. This is a special place. It has been created by good people with hammers and nails, practices and prayers, photographs and flowers. It is in a continuous state of creation. We are creating it now.

We create Shambhala Mountain Center moment by moment, through our speech — our tone of voice, choice of words, and choice of no-words. We create it through each action, in each space — the shrine room, the office, the dance party. Every moment is consequential. We are never not-here.

I’m learning a lot about cause and effect, creation, surrender, forgiveness, and love. I’m grateful.

— November 5, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Estranged into Love

Posted on November 26, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

In the wee hours, I stepped outside the yurt to wee. It was frosty and blue. The moon nearly full in the western sky, so the east-facing ridge was kissed, aglow. Everything so still, frosty. The Stupa illuminated, and the bare aspens, unconcerned.

My mantra: no rush.

I’m realizing — again and again — how bent I am on doing so many, many, things. Today at breakfast, I skipped the grapefruit, rather than inhaling it so that I could make it to meditation on time.

Less and more fully.

No rush.

I spent some time last night in the shrine room, by myself, studying the dharma. So cold outside, and cozy in Pushpa with my tea and the heater, and lots of space to read, reflect. I felt connected to my journey. When the session felt complete, I walked up to the yurt, lit candles and played music without even glancing at the clock.

Nearly full moon rising, and playing whatever music I felt like playing. My voice out of shape, but not. What is “out”?

Music as a yoga. Through playing: knowing genuineness, tenderness, timidity, fear, playfulness and all the rest. It’s so poignant for me.

Two and a half years ago, when I first envisioned living here, making music was part of the vision. Living in this amazing environment and letting it sing through me. A year ago, after moving here, that was still the vision. Somewhere along the line, it fell off. I’ve touched the desperation of being estranged from it, and now I’m falling in love. Music, music, music…

Last night, playing, such a deep joy out of the beautiful mystery of the music arising. The music saying more about life than words on the page. Period. Ellipses.

— November 4, 2014

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Awake and Grateful: Reflecting on our First Online Event

Posted on November 11, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

As some of you know, we recently invited some of the most brilliant people we could think of to share their wisdom with people from around the globe. And, we invited people from around the globe to show up to receive this wisdom, and to offer their own wisdom in response. We’re glad to report, that it all worked out very nicely, and we’re all a bit wiser for it!

For our first free online event, Awake in the World, more than 18,000 people participated over the span of 6 days — for live broadcasts, dialogues between teachers, guided meditations, contemplations, and a variety of additional presentations. Every morning, thousands of participants began their day by enjoying an artistic piece that we offered, and every evening, they asked questions of the presenters, who responded in real time. Throughout the event, participants shared personal insights and inspirations in an ever-growing comments section on the website.

A genuine community of learning and awakenment was formed. Thus, Awake in the World has been no different in essence from what Shambhala Mountain Center has been doing for over 40 years. Of course, it has been different on other levels. For instance, this program involved many more people than any program we have run previously. Can you imagine a basketball arena on the SMC land? That’s what it would have taken to accommodate this audience. So, we did this event in virtual space, rather than up in the Rocky Mountains.

People from Chile, Switzerland, Iran, Israel, and so on, were able to join together to express their aspiration to realize a more awake, sane world. And, they were able to do so without having to travel from their homes. We do hope that all of these folks will come visit the land at some point, but it sure is nice that we’ve been able to connect from afar.

The appreciation that we’re received in response to the event has been overwhelmingly beautiful. Hundreds of messages have come in expressing appreciation and gratitude for the opportunity to receive teachings with such ease. Here are a few:

“Inspired and excited listening to these teachers…from Yael Brisker in
Israel…where danger lurks so close, it is heartwarming to connect with this
energy. Thank you!” -Yael from Israel

“I am so thrilled to be able to follow from down here in Santiago, Chile. It is like
a dream coming true for me. Thank you all for this opportunity I am given. I am a
humble apprentice and had stopped for a while due to health conditions, but now
I am alive again and can hardly wait for being immersed in this beautiful AWAKE
IN THE WORLD.” -Virginia from Santiago, Chile

“Thank you all for the incredible package that you’ve made available to
everyone. I can’t imagine how much work was involved in putting this program
together but you did it in a magnificent way that has truly touched me and many
thousands of others. My heart is swelling with appreciation and gratitude.”
-Stella

Frankly, this is hitting us hard. We’re honored to be in a position to do this work, to offer these teachings to so many people. And we’re inspired to do more, and to refine our skills in doing so.

To everyone who has been a part of this — in any way — we’d like to offer our deepest thanks.

To those who missed this one or who would like to spend more time with the material, we are glad to say that all of the recordings of the event, as well as a slew of additional teachings and bonuses, are available in our Resource Package. Purchasing the Resource Package, by the way, is a great way to support Shambhala Mountain Center, as we endeavor to provide opportunities for personal and collective awakenment long into the future.

Thank you for your ongoing support — financial and otherwise energetic. It is felt, appreciated, and is the reason that we exist.

Looking back on what has occurred over the course of a year of planning and finally presenting the event, we’re feeling so inspired. We have a sense that together, we can actually do big inspiring things. We can brighten the world. We can wake up. Here’s to co-creating a world based on sanity, peace, and generosity. Thank you for being a part of this.