Floral Notes and Bardo: Thank You, Catfish

Posted on January 30, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

They’ll gallop beyond their bodies…
Bones in a meadow, scattered,
vultures have eaten well.

The above picture was drawn by Catfish, who was visiting for the weekend. He also gave me a 200 year old Japanese tea pot. It spent about 100 years in the mud by a river, I’m told. Wow…

~~~

A refreshingly warm morning, walk to the Stupa, pausing, gazing at a big sky, all was so quiet.

“Open your territory completely, let go of everything.” —CTR

Contemplating the suffering in the world and giving away all delight–the glow deepened. Everything so rich, cool, fresh. A long, beautiful practice session in the Stupa.

Afternoon spent in conversation. Too much talking. Another hour on the cushion before dinner, then Joni Mitchell in the headphones for a while, and then some time with Heather. She was at a restaurant earlier and brought me a picture that she colored. She asked me to add some words.

We were talking a bit about Shambhala, and about being a lil’ pair of adventurous art-flowers, spreading seeds. I say: May wild-art blossom all over the place.

I’ve borrowed this phrase from one of my key teachers:

“Occupy Shambhala”

~~~

Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.

Floral Notes and Bardo: NBD

Posted on January 24, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Pony kicking around in a big pool of honey,
undisturbed, and trapped–in its own dream, sweet.

NO BIG DEAL

Last night we began a course called Joy in Everyday Life with David Cushman. He sat in a chair like he was in his den–with slippers and a glass of diet root beer, which he says, again and again, “is actually quite delicious, taste-wise.” He gave a great talk, and it cracked me up more than once. I know the guy. We’re pretty close. We’re friends. And, he’s a great, experienced teacher. He was a student of Trungpa Rinpoche. He’s been around for a good while–deep practitioner. Lots of wisdom. And a total, loveable, goofball. Cushman makes dharma fun, and he is also not full of shit–maybe a bit crazy. Good-crazy. These are my opinions. I’m glad to be taking this course with a group of friends, lead by a friend. It’s a good scene.

The other night, Heather and I read aloud from a Pema Chödrön book–a book we’re to study for the course: The Places That Scare You. It’s a good scene. We read about the contrast between being cozy in a nest of predictability and leaping into the unknown. We agreed that we like both.

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: Golden Sky, Level 1.5

Posted on January 23, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Sun/torch
brought close to
buzzing fly–not to fry the lil’ baby, but to remind it
of eventual disintegration.

Golden water will vanish, and also: butterflies.

Not so scared of tumbling into the dream.

Time spent with sky and sparkling snow, and emotions, my friends and Teacher Steve. I was a helper for Shambhala Training Level I last weekend. Two years after I first took the program with David and Ethan Nichtern in NYC. It was a wonderful experience–again.

After a full weekend–full heart, full of meditation, and awakening-moments, a walk around with friends up to my little house for a tea party. Then hiking back down–gazing 360 with amazement at the sunset. A lovely nap/sweet cuddle. Barely made dinner and heard about a party. Across the land again, now stars out–baffling. And giddy to be walking with this friend. Joyous gathering–sweet booze/poison from Chile, saw my dear heart-friend (had been a long time), and an amazing tarot reading–one friend to another in the middle of the party. Incredible–loving, wild, comedy. Trio hike home. Big moon. Friend showing me constellations, then goodnight. Late to bed. Laid awake–again. Laying down meditating. Opened my eyes to golden sky.

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: People Flower

Posted on January 23, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Passing pictures back and forth–how many times per second?
Flickering dream, expressing itself as kisses.
Under the bed, shadow monsters.

The main thing is:
so much care.

So much care is required for people to flower.

Acharya Lyon is leading a class on logong–about recognizing the dreamlike quality of our experience, and then engaging in a way that helps to alleviate the suffering of everyone who is mixed up in this thing.

Meanwhile–I’m becoming delightfully, terrifyingly, willingly mixed up with a particular-fellow-person.

I’m nursing a cold. I’m tasting high-grade sweetness. I’m saying things like this to myself:

Joyous to have
Such a human birth,
Difficult to find,
Free and well favored.

But death is real,
Comes without warning,
This body
will be a corpse.

Unalterable
Are the laws of karma;
Cause and effect
Cannot be escaped.

Samsara
Is an ocean of suffering,
Unendurable,
Unbearably intense.

(“The Four Reminders” by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche)

Floral Notes and Bardo: Go Slow and Be Gentle

Posted on January 17, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Spotlight dimmed and revealing that the dancer is just one of us, one of us everyday dancers
hit with a spotlight–soft spotlight, which makes any motion, voice or gesture art
A R T
The toweling off of my body in the morning after shower, after having walked from my bed to the
shower without thoughts.
Holding the cup of tea, gently, until it cools a bit, so my tongue does not get burned.
art.
Not yapping like a dog.

This morning–tea with Sensei. Precious Alexendra Shenpen, who is so gentle and luminous. A master in the Way of Flowers–Kado. My breastplate vanishing, my eyes full and heavy–aglow, while she spoke. Last night she taught us, the community–the second in a series of classes that she is generously offering. We learned about harmonic forms–the interplay between heaven, earth, and humanity as expressed in flower arrangements.

A small bud is as important as a large, sweeping-line branch. The bud activates the power of the branch. Small may be grand. Grand may be small.

Some of the best advice I have ever gotten was from my friend Todd, who is a master in the Way of Todd-o:

“Go slow and be gentle, you’re exactly where you need to be.”

~~~

AS IT IS
FLORAL; ELEGANT; SEE

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: Magic of Many Varieties

Posted on January 16, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Fire-hose full of Kool-Aid
blasting tranquility and simplicity into a bouquet of happy madness–
landing on a bed with
plush animals–hearing a bedtime story
Wake up to blood-orange sky, late in the morning
crushed ideas becoming sunsets, watching, surrendered to larger-than-my-thoughts
ART

On a flesh canvass, a wink at my foolishness. A wink of understanding between fools–friendship.

Heather and I seeing each other through binoculars in the Stupa after community practice of the Sadhana of Mahamudra, which Trungpa Rinpoche received in a cave in Bhutan and offered to contemporary world even though/because it’s crazy and blows brains and delusion into indestructible magic-music.

Gathered in the Stupa–friends become vapor-dharma-heat. Full moon above.

Later, sake with Mr. Cushman and a few fellows–discussion of SMC adventure (that’s my attitude).

I jumped out of the conversation in order to make my 9:30 lullaby date. Afterwards, I laid awake for a bit, sake in belly, rumbling.

This morning I woke up and saw a note which had been slid beneath my door:

“Thank you for being open and available for magic of many varieties.”

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: Nine Minutes Well Spent

Posted on January 14, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Squealing demon racing through rib-cage forest
care
and when I’m scared
care
when I’m scared of the dissolution of my constructed character-dude
care
care about more than my story
(Characters; care-actors)

I’m not able to be the way I was.
I’m growing suspicious of the effort to find the right way to be
Care less about it turning out right
care more so I’m not so uptight
Care about others
Amen.

The Mahayana is sneaking up on me, maybe. Last night we danced–“open to others”

Nathaniel is an amazing dancer, teacher, and he has exquisite taste in music. So glad for his existence and friendship…

We have a lovely shrine room with a great sound system. Last night–blues dance class. I love it. Nathanial teaches along with Kaleigh (my boss). Kaleigh is teaching me a lot, including how to blues dance. When we accomplish something big and sparkly–marketing-wise–we crank up tunes and have a five minute dance party in our office.

Partner dancing–fun and awkward… Blissful to harmonize with someone in that way, in a stream of music. And good practice for relaxing into friendly engagement. We step on each other’s toes, tense up, and remember to smile, striving towards mutual delight.

After dancing for a while, Heather made a fort out of meditation cushions and Nathaniel and I pulled Molly around in circles on the smooth wood floor. Beautiful tunes from Nathaniel’s library–a few originals, Radiohead… So lovely.

It’s somewhat rare here for me to be in a room with speakers… to enjoy music acoustically (I listen in headphones in my room some nights). It was nourishing. Ahh… We all laid on the floor at the end and bathed in lush Sigur Ros.

Nathaniel: “Nine minutes well spent”

Amen.

I feel friendship relaxing my boundaries, freaking me out, inviting me to be more playful.

AND

Today for lunch we had burritos! Man… I love burritos.

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: Beeswax n’ Butterfly Crown

Posted on January 13, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Gum too big to chew
Fruity truth in my vicinity
I taste the absence. I blow bubbles all day. I feel speckles
of wakeful spit in every
po
po
pop

POP

Heather presented me with a beeswax n’ butterfly crown. My Head Dekyong crown.

After dinner I had a lil’ evening visit with Mr. Cushman, a friend and teacher.– wine and discussion of the Hinayana, Shambhala, and…the Dekyong thing.

The Dekyong thing:

The Dekyong is the head of a Delek.

Deleks are small groups of people within the community. The idea is that these people care for one another and develop friendships, relationships. The Delek system also serves as a way for communication to flow through the community.

The Dekyong is the leader of each group, putting effort into cultivating a caring, enjoyable situation for all involved.

I am the Head Dekyong. The name of my Delek is Westside Delekatessen.

I am called upon (by myself, etc.) to help good things happen.

The Hinayana teachings say:

Cause no harm.

The Shambhala teachings say:

Engage.

It’s a bit perplexing.

GO FOR IT

Amen.

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: Into Crystals, Refracting

Posted on January 13, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Yesterday a stream of powerful teachings in, through, from, the Stupa. I sat within the stream, arriving nowhere, continuously–to my delight, terror, amazement.

Here’s what happened:

Acharya Emeritus Judith Lief spent many years compiling and editing the teachings that Trungpa Rinpoche gave over the course of thirteen three-month long seminaries. Until earlier this year when “The Profound Treasury of the Ocean of Dharma” was published, these teachings were not available to the public.

To celebrate the publication and the teachings themselves, there have been “Resoundings” or “read-a-thons”–folks have been reading the books aloud all across the globe. The final “Resounding” took place yesterday, with Acharya Lief, in the Stupa.

I was moved by the words. I moved the words. The whole thing was huge and fluid.

We were resounding the vajrayana teachings, which… are utterly beautiful and shattering. I was shattered and swept into the air–crystals refracting brilliant light.

After the first session–three hours of continuous resounding–we exited the Stupa. Looking up–rainbow colors, so vivid, in the clouds around the sun, behind the Stupa. ohwow…

I went down to lunch and nearly yelled at my friend when he told me he wouldn’t be attending the afternoon session because he was going to do laundry.

Moments later another friend of mine turned a cold shoulder towards me. I don’t know why.

I felt shattered, more.

The teachings emphasise the importance of building a strong foundation in the Hinayana–cause no harm; and the Mahayana–cultivate empathy. It’s crucial to do this before entering into the Vajrayana–sacred everything, engage.

I recently took Refuge in the Three Jewels–formally entering the Hinayana stage of the path. Historically, I have often felt anxious to “get to the good stuff”–a.k.a. the Vajrayana magical stuff. I felt so glad and inspired touching into the stream of vajrayana teachings yesterday. It feels good to glimpse it. At the same time, I am becoming more and more respectful of my current spot. I’m in less of a hurry.

The teachings are brilliantly alive here, at Shambhala Mountain, where I live. I am here. I can stay here and progress along the path at a natural pace. I can afford to go deep into each stage.

It’s happening in unexpected ways.

Things don’t need mouths to speak–communication is happening all the time. There is always feedback. There is a message in each moment. That’s what the teachings say. That’s what I say.

This morning I was sitting at the table eating breakfast. I was looking around at the few other people scattered around the room–My fellows. My community. My family.

Sangha.

I have been feeling blown-out. I have been feeling as though I have no grip on what is happening. I have been sensing that the idea that there will ever be relief is just wishful thinking. I’ve been experiencing devastating loneliness. And I KNOW… I KNOW…

I KNOW… because I have felt this before, because I am somewhat familiar with the pattern, with how things arise and give way, how insight and growth occurs…

I know that the thing to do is:

Hang in there. Be curious about it. Don’t try too hard…

We’re all hanging in there (in here) together. That insight brought relief at the breakfast table. Being kind then felt like a very simple and effortless thing.

Sitting in space, trapped in space without a home… all of us. Seeing–the source of warmth?

~~~

Floral Notes and Bardo: My New Pal, Dharma Muffin

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Tossed up–gravity, concept
Flying heat

DHARMA MUFFIN

I may describe Waylon Lewis as flying heat, or I may call him Dharma Muffin (from now on) or Jeremiah Johnson (while he roams this mountainside in fashionable flannel). It’s been a joy spending time with him these past two weeks. For me, he embodies the “outrageous” aspect of the Shambhala tradition, which is very dear to me. Above, he feeds me an “I can’t believe it’s vegan” muffin. He is 100% vegan. I am 98% vegan–I cheat for sweets that our kitchen cooks up sometimes. It’s nice though, when I don’t “have to.”

I consider Waylon a teacher/homie.

Connecting with the wisdom of a teacher (and/or a homie), gaining insight through interaction, is a dance. I’ve stepped on toes and tripped a bunch, and have noticed myself becoming a more graceful dancer recently.

So subtle and enjoyable–allowing friendship to grow and understanding to deepen.

~~~