Floral Notes and Bardo: Good-life Immersion

Posted on April 2, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

A week of staff retreat–so, so good…

Meditation in the mornings, talks from our teachers, a beautiful lahsang on day one, cooking meals for each other. In the afternoons–activities: music group, art, nature, physical movement, study…

So, peeps chose a track, grouped up, and got deep into those activities. Some of us peeps got into music. I facilitated the group and encouraged deep listening, space exploration, improvisation… edgy spots, sweet spots, unexpected things. And after we bravely improvised together, becoming braver as the days went on, we’d spend some time just hanging out with some tunes–Irish tunes, Brazilian jazz tunes… everyone in the group was coming from a different place, musically, and so the improv was interesting and also the hangout section was lots of fun and varied.

The first night of the retreat we held council practice for the whole community. People sharing from the heart in a sacred space. I felt such deep love for everyone. It set the tone for the rest of the retreat.

Such immersion into what it is to live here. Time spent together–practicing, playing, just being together. Lots of spontaneous, long conversations. People staying after meals just to hang… Ahh, so good. Time with the land. Time enjoying living in this amazing situation together, free from the day-to-day complexities and stresses that go along with trying to keep the thing afloat, and progress towards greater operations. Of course (of course!), the greatest operation is ever-happening. This was a nice reminder of that.

In the evenings there were various activities–dancing, movies… Nathaniel and I hosted a sound bath. People laying on cushions in the center of the shrine room–heads together in the center, huge speakers all around, dimmed lights, and an hour and forty minutes of washy, lush, beautiful music curated by Nathaniel, who has exceptional taste. I offered a bit of my music into the mix, which he blended nicely.

Milarepa Day on day 6. Oh, wow! A full day of reciting, singing, chanting “The Rain of Wisdom“–spontaneous songs of our Kagyu forefathers. So, so, beautiful. So deep. We began at 9am and went until after 10pm. A very rich, traditional Buddhist day. We drank chai and nettle tea on breaks. Sho mo! What a joyful, good experience!

The next day we went to the Great Stupa for Sadhana of Mahamudra. I was so glad for how everything lined up/unfolded. We spent a lot of time planning and preparing for the retreat, and then it seemed the magical forces kicked in and carried it to better places than we could have imagined.

We ended with a feast at which we practiced the Shambhala Sadhana, dined, and had libations, toasts, and made offerings. The music group performed, others sang and shared things about their experience throughout the retreat, the art group had everyone throw colorful paper airplanes…

Rejoicing the Container: Our friend Tara–who was here and then left–asked us to put this nice thing into place: a box which collects ‘thank yous’–to people, from people. We did so and offered the thank yous at the feast. Everyone read one from the box. Touching.

So… Ahh! Such a deeply beautiful immersion into the magic of living here together. That’s the thesis. That was the intention and it really hit nicely. So grateful. Now onwards into the springtime…

–March 24, 2014

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Travis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.

Enormous Resonances: Discussing Interspiritual Dialogue with Tessa Bielecki and Fr. Dave Denny

Posted on March 27, 2014 by Travis Newbill

By Travis Newbill

Tessa Bielecki and Fr. Dave Denny will be co-leading Wisdom of the Seasons: An Interspiritual Retreat, May 23-25

Tessa Bielecki and Fr. Dave Denny have been working together in the field of interfaith dailogue since the late seventies, beginning with conferences hosted by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche at Naropa University. This coming May they will be leading a weekend retreat at Shambhala Mountain Center titled “Wisdom of the Seasons: An Interspiritual Retreat.”

Recently, we had the good fortune of speaking with the pair of teachers on the topic of interspiritual dialogue as well as the fertile energies of springtime, passion, and the upcoming retreat.

If you’d like to download the audio file, CLICK HERE and find the “Download” button. Otherwise, you can stream the audio below.

To learn more about the upcoming retreat, please CLICK HERE

More about these teachers:

Tessa Bielecki co-founded the Spiritual Life Institute and live there as monk and Mother Abbess for almost 40 years. In 2005, she co-founded The Desert Foundation with Fr. Dave Denny, an informal circle of friends who explore the wisdom of the world’s deserts, focusing on peace and understanding between the three Abrahamic traditions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Tessa was one of the first teachers at Naropa University’s Buddhist-Christian dialogue in the 1980s, an experience that she calls pivotal in her life. Tessa is the the author of several books and CDs on St. Teresa of Avila, and recently recorded Wild at Heart for Sounds True. She teaches at Colorado College, gives lectures and retreats, participates in East-West dialogues, and writes.

Tessa Bielecki and Fr. Dave Denny have worked together for over forty years, first as Carmelite monks in the Spiritual Life Institute where they co-edited Desert Call. At Colorado College, they taught Fire and Light, a history of Christian Mysticism. After leaving monastic life in 2005, they created the Desert Foundation (see www.desertfound.org), published Season of Glad Songs: A Christmas Anthology, and now live in neighboring hermitages in Crestone, Colorado. Tessa is also the author of three books on St. Teresa of Avila and recorded Wild at Heart for Sounds True.

Floral Notes and Bardo: Wild and Dignified

Posted on March 7, 2014 by Travis Newbill

I-Ching toss last night–“stillness.” The image of a mountain–first hexagram. Second: progress. The image of the sun rising.

Greg said: Taming the mind, meditative stillness, and waiting until the right moment to act. And, when I do, it will be effective. Something about the hexagram saying: Don’t allow your hips to become frozen. You’ve got to boogie. No cave-dwelling yogi life for you right now, Ngejung Tachok.

And, be with the peeps. Being a leader, you’ve got to be with the peeps, not separate from them. You are a peep.

Greg was giving me an I-Ching reading upstairs in the library, meanwhile downstairs in the shrine room, the Beastie Boys, dance party. Pounding electronic music. I’d been dancing then saw Greg in the hallway and asked for a reading.

He’d given the ceremonial reading for SMC earlier in the day.

Shambhala Day (or, Losar)… The New Year. Big day of celebration.

It began at 6am toast to the new year, then we marched up to the Stupa–Kasung-style:

“Left, left, left, right, left…Eyes on the horizon!” and the sun was coming up–orange, radiant. The weather was lovely, clear, crisp.

At the Stupa–lahsang ceremony. Clouds of smoke and offerings, group chanting, juniper, waving flags. Then inside the Stupa for Elixr of Life sadhana, bathing ourselves in saffron water, reminding ourselves of death, preciousness of life, making aspirations to not sleep through it. To use our lives to wake up and help the world.

Lovely breakfast, socializing and then we gathered in the shrine room for the webcast of the Sakyong‘s Shambhala Day address–beautiful. Funky mountain-internet connection made it comedy.

Later in the evening, a formal dinner and the Shambhala Ball (Bhal?).

I dressed in tights, tie, and tu-tu. At dinner I toasted the Sakyong, from the bottom of my heart. Greg asked me to make the toast. When he told Director Gayner that I’d be doing it, Mr. Gayner said:

“In his tu-tu?”

and Greg said:

“He’s wearing a tu-tu?”

It went well.

These sorts of things can happen at SMC. That’s why I know I’m in the right spot. This may be the wildest spot in the mandala. Yeah…

The Bahl began with a choreographed waltz. Several of us had been rehearsing, lead by Greg (who is so darn graceful), in the week leading up to the event. So magical… So fairy tale.

Shambhala really has this whimsical, fairy tale quality to it. Dragons and kings, and ball gowns, horses, magic… And it’s all grounded in authentic buddhadharma. Ahh…

After a few waltzes, DJ Stephen Extro, who lives here and is a hot-as-shit awesome DJ, played music for us. Really high energy awesome electronic music. A bunch of us on the dance-floor together–Joshua, Director Gayner, Kaleigh-boss, Heather, friends–my peeps. Everyone together enjoying this high energy dance vibe.

A moment with Mr. Gayner, as he was doing weird powerful martial arts moves, directing energy with his hands. I joined him. Such a mystical scene. All of us holding and playing with, all of us within this, potent energy field. So much good energy from the day erupting in this dance experience.

May SMC always be wild and dignified.

Towards the end of the night, while the music was still pumping, a few of us set up the meditation cushions for this morning’s session. Just the slightest tinge of a hangover this morning and I rang the gong only 5 minutes late.

–March 3, 2014

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Summer

Posted on March 4, 2014 by Travis Newbill

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Floral Notes and Bardo: So Many Ways to Be

Posted on March 3, 2014 by Travis Newbill

So many ways to be. More ways to be than I allow myself to imagine, let alone embody.

My first time in Kasung uniform Friday night–like sticking my finger into a electric socket. I’ve worn some crazy things for the sake of art and exploration. The Kasung uniform shook my core–identity–as much as any outfit ever has.

Wearing a wedding dress is less of a big deal, because that’s just me being weird. Painting my fingernails (which I did (Heather did) earlier in the day) is also less… Well, it’s a similar sort of thing.

I like subverting norms and expectations–my own and those that others hold. I especially like playfully subverting gender norms…

Wearing the Kasung uniform is extra edgy because it carries heavier connotations: I’m part of something, I have a role within a larger organization, which appears to be a very strange thing.

A sense of surrendering. I’m learning that it’s usually good to throw myself over the edge in order to expand– expand my comfort zone so that I may accommodate more feelings, be more relaxed in more situations: enjoy the whole ride more. And, being slightly less freaked out than other people is maybe the best way I know of to be helpful.

So, Kasungship is a practice of expanding my comfort zone and embodying a particular energy with the intention of helping others.

Kasung is protector. Protect what? Protect the teachings, the teachers, the community–the things that I actually care about most in this life. And, yet…uneasiness about the whole thing.

Trungpa Rinpoche created this form which is meant to provide protection, and in the process, provides an opportunity for those doing the practice to experience all sorts of hang-ups that they have about identity… and all sort of stuff.

Kasungship may be the most outrageous and multi-dimensional teaching that I have ever encountered, and I’ve only had a taste thus far.

It’s huge. I feel like a galaxy has exploded into existence in my body. I’m only beginning to process it. I wish to be able to articulate the brilliance and humor of this Kasung thing in the not too distant future.

It is a deadly serious joke. An amazing gift from Rinpoche.

–February 24, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Kill the Buddha

Posted on February 27, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Black honest and white too pure for stars to hold. The shakier the fringes the more it may be expanding. More space-venue for exploration.

Dön Season Day Two:

In the morning, Mr. Cushman helped me with the Vajrasattva mantra. It’s long and hard to pronounce. In the evening when Greg lead the chants, he whipped through the mantra so swiftly that I had no chance of reciting it along with him. After a few times through (we recite “Pacifying the Turmoil of the Mamos” 21 times during Dön Season)… After a few times through I gave up on trying and instead just opened up to Greg and connected with his recitation. He was positioned beautifully, an elder master, conducting the ceremony using sacred implements–bell and dorje, displaying mudras.

Later in the evening… A disagreement with teacher in class regarding a point of dharma. I felt confident that he was not presenting a point accurately and so felt responsibility to debate him. It was a long exchange, which ended in me saying that “we have different interpretations.” It was unsettling…

Döns are ripening negative karma. This was definitely a moment of that. Afterwards, when I was discussing the event with Heather, I was feeling myself slipping towards emotionally charged criticism of this teacher–harmful speech, “talking about injured limbs.” No good. At that moment, she interrupted me and brought me to a wall on the other side of her room where pictures of My Little Pony characters are hanging.

She told me how the six main character ponies seem to represent each of the Six Paramitas, which we were discussing in class.

She protected me from creating more negative karma. Whether or not she did it on purpose isn’t important. Interference like that is good, is protection. We chant in order to bring about occurrences like that. In order to influence the flow of reality so that events arise that wake us up, that stop us in our tracks when we’re about to do something stupid.

–February 21, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Snow Beast Ezmerelda

Posted on February 24, 2014 by Travis Newbill

I have a tiny friend named Harrison Hood. And a big, funky friend named Ezmerelda. I want you to know them, so I write this blog.

Last night we watched a film called Art Machine at Dhyana–Kaleigh (my boss-homie) and Eric’s place. Director Gayer (aka Michael the supreme boss-homie of SMC) is the executive producer. I’m going to interview the writer/director (Doug Karr) in a couple of days and we’re going to help spread the word about the film, which was good.

It’s about a kid artist growing into his adult version of himself. I knew that at some point he’d be taking psychedelics. A few nights ago we had a dinner party at Dhyana, and the dominant topic of conversation was consciousness and psychedelics (something’s in the air). I didn’t say much. I haven’t read too much about it. The conversation was very masculine (lots of facts and citations–very interesting). I have done my share of experimentation. There wasn’t much space for me to talk about that, and I was able to refrain from trying to describe the indescribable.

The weekend was very weekendy–sleeping in, strolling around the land, leisurely meals. We built a snow beast outside Elkhorn, named it Ezmerelda and watched a French film called The Choir. It was about kids living in an institution which was much different from SMC.

Sunday Jim Tolstrip taught a group of us about how to lead Council Practice–so now we may offer that regularly within the community (so glad). Afterwards the sweat lodge was potent, a reset button. A deep touching in (rather like an earthy cousin of the psychedelic experience). I came out fresh and clear, and ecstatic.

It had been a warm day, then it turned very quickly. By the time we came out of the lodge it was snowy and freezing. I stood naked in the snow for the first time, howling, invigorated, as I fumbled around to put on my snow soaked clothes.

After the film last night we jumped on Kaleigh’s trampoline. She’s been talking about it since she got it. It suits her. Her energy is so sparkly, firecracker. Half way through my session I started cracking up, and she was cracking up, delighted that I was cracking up. I continued laughing for the next hour or so. Everything was funny.

I click into this mode here every so often (pretty regularly) where everything is funny. Every little thing is referencing every other little thing and it is explosively good.

Before turning in, I told Heather:

“If I could come remotely close to honoring the brilliant comedy of reality in writing, a lot of people would read my blog.”

Ezmerelda reads my blog.

–February 18, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Renunciation/Blossom

Posted on February 21, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Wet behind the ear, mind-flower shedding petals and onto my shoulder, cool
petals, living still, still connected to earth. Petals from the flower-song, becoming smaller. And not separate from fresh blossoms.

Valentine’s Day–We handed out flowers from the previous night’s Ikebana class and the haikus that Heather, Tara and I made for all the members of the community. We invaded lunch-time with glittery wishes and cheer. People seemed to enjoy it.

Just before lunch a group of staff gathered at the Stupa to film a Shambhala Day greeting from SMC. Nice weather, cheerfulness…

A super-love day between and Heather and I and… and this is really key for me… it seemed like that situation was connected to a larger one. Like… romantic love and communal love feeding one another. That’s how we both experienced it. I hope it’s true.

Yesterday, in the sweat lodge, I prayed that I not become too addicted to pleasure and comfort.

I am here to help others.

Got that? (speaking to myself)

Every morning I say to myself in the mirror:

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

I was given the Buddhist refuge name:

Ngejung Tachok

which means

Renunciation Steed

What is there to renounce? Trungpa Rinpoche says: “What the warrior renounces is anything in his experience that is a barrier between himself and others. In other words, renunciation is making yourself more available, more gentle and open to others.”

So, if I begin using a situation, a person, a drug, whatever, to hide out–that has to go. Maybe not the person or the situation, but that way of engaging…indulging.

Trungpa also says:

“You can make a distinction: you can discriminate between indulging and appreciating”

I’ve avoided intimate relationships for a while because I was scared of getting so sucked-in that I wouldn’t be able to feel or connect with the rest of the world.

That’s something I’m trying to be aware of this time around. It can’t turn into a mush-fest. Susan Piver says: “Love without mindfulness is goo.” Right.

With that said, Valentine’s Day was very sweet and romantic, and more creative and joyous than gooey. Good.

–February 17, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Earth!

Posted on February 20, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Earth, I know you’re alive. People, I know you’re alive. Plants and people equally alive. It’s a stretch for conceptual mind to accommodate that.

We’re not living in harmony with the earth, okay?

But… We are aspiring to.

The other evening, President Reoch held another fireside gathering for the staff. In Shambhala we call these sorts of things “salons,” yet no one seems to be very clear about what a “salon” is. Seems like:

A salon is a gathering, not a party. A salon is celebratory and yet, sincere. A salon is neither business nor recreation. A salon is authentic and social.

So, Jared the Land Steward started a fire. Zane the Rusung (a protector role) attempted to do so but it went out, at which point he said:

“I don’t start fires, I put them out.” Which is true.

Folks asked the President any questions that they wanted to. The ice breaker was about the financial situation of Shambhala and Shambhala Mountain Center. It’s a hot topic. His answer was as short as possible (long) and satisfying. There seem to be skillful changes occurring.

One point: we all need to be less embarrassed about money.

Next question: Jared asked about our relationship to the earth. In Shambhala, the teachings are incredibly clear regarding how we ought to relate to the natural world:

It is sacred, and it is alive along with us.

President Reoch admitted: “We are not walking the talk.”

Yesterday, I sat with Jared for an hour and absorbed his wisdom. He’s in touch. He spends most of his time outdoors, relating to the nature. The living quality of the natural world is apparent to him–clearly apparent. A lot of the time, I feel like I am staring right at something that I am not seeing.

I wish for the boundaries between myself and the living earth to shatter, more and more as I live here. I want to be friends with the flowers and rocks and trees. I want to know them by name and love them like I love my human friends, and my cat. I want to sense their living presence at all times. I do to some extent, but I still feel sort of removed.

I think that many of us are dealing with a dualistic, Newtonian hangover. Our vision is blurry and so we’re still acting clumsily. But, I also feel like we’re coming-to. We’re shaking our heads to clear the fog and asking for help. That’s what I’m doing.

I’m saying: “Jared, I want to walk in the woods with you. I want to shake this unhelpful conceptual fog and connect emotionally to the wind and snow and trees. I want to feel the urgency.”

I feel it more now than ever before. I live with the earth here. And there are lots of opportunities coming up to deepen my connection.

This evening I’m participating in the third staff Ikebana class. Through this art-form, we contemplate and celebrate our connection with the natural world, with unseen inspiration, and with our own human ability. We join “heaven, earth, and humanity.”

This Sunday, Jim Tolstrup will be leading a sweat lodge for the community. This happens every month or so. Jim is connected to Shambhala as well as the Lakota tradition. I don’t know anyone who is more tangibly connected to our earth than he. Being around him always inspires me.

Throughout the coming months there are going to be other teachers and opportunities to explore: weekend programs in which we’ll spend time getting to know wildflowers, the stars, the seasons. Ahh… I live on this mountain, immersed in nature. I’m spending time with you, Earth!

Right now, as I write, snow is melting from the roof, it’s sunny outside, pine trees are waving at me. I say “hello” out-loud. It’s really real.

–February 13, 2014

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Floral Notes and Bardo: Don’t Stay Stuck

Posted on February 19, 2014 by Travis Newbill

Sweltering Florida is a heavy swamp,, shirt soaked in
doubt, mowing the lawn, day to day dirt. Muck.

Mountain air is fresh.

Last night I was asked to describe a transition which has occurred in my life. I spoke about the move from suburbia Florida to a mountain-dwelling contemplative community.

I said lots of things:

What did I leave behind?

Petting my cat. Being close to my Mom. Swimming in the ocean. (and other lovely peoples and things, of course)

What have I gained?

My life is rich with meaningful relationships. I laugh so much more! So much more. That actually says it all, I believe.

I feel confident that I am right where I need to be.

–Lately, in the middle of my morning writing (as just now), I get a little knock on my door and it’s Heather, who visits my room just to kiss and smile for a minute before she hikes up to work–

She’s the one who interviewed me about transition. I thought she meant something else when she proposed the idea and so a bouquet of attachment, disappointment and freedom played out in my body and I read dharma.

Anyway…

I live here near the Great Stupa. I live among teachers and fellow practitioners. We talk a lot about mind, emotions, death, and the quirks of everyday living.

I’m learning tons about marketing, buddhadharma, love, leadership and generally leading a good human life.

I was asked what advice I would give to my pre-transition self:

Don’t stay stuck for too long.

–February 11, 2014

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